silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- multitasking i've been boring this weekend. not going out and staying either in my room studying or at starbucks studying. it was beautiful today until it got cold again. figures. i started taking some of the practice tests for my exam, and soon thereafter i started laughing. i'm screwed. but i'll be ready in about 10 days because, well... i have to be. because that's when my dumb ass scheduled it, and i do not reschedule. MS texted me earlier today. he had texted me on thanksgiving, i mentioned that actually. well he said before that he would swing by this weekend. so when he texted me today, he mentioned it again, and then actually came over maybe around 9:30 for some pie and to just talk a little. aaaahhh he's adorable. he has some test tomorrow, so he had to get back to studying. so hot. dammit. so we hugged and he left, and after he left i was super smiley and singing to myself, "i love men. men, men, men." this whole politeness and courting thing and getting to know one another, it all takes too much work. okay fine. it's good because i shouldn't base my desires on looks alone. but i already know he's smart and a hard worker because you have to be to get into this school. i don't like some of the things that come up in conversations though. it's the worrysome talk about the beginning of the program and how do i feel about getting out and working and blah blah. it's good to talk about that stuff i guess, but i want to talk more about how beautiful he is and how i'm actively holding myself back from being my usual self which is crazy and silly and aaaah i just wanted to kiss him and tell him how hot he is. i hate having to be all proper. i guess i don't have to be. but if i want someone to respect me and seemingly like me for me and not just my body, and to perhaps go about this the right way, then i have to be patient and let the courting process run its course. i can do that. the thing is though, i'm not sitting around waiting and doodling his name over and over in my notebook. for one, i don't have a notebook for said purpose. for two, i'm still interested in JN and JB too (damn, D2 as well still), and if either one of them wants to come visit and chat with me, they are equally more than welcome to do so. i have enough pie left as well. and finally for three, i'm still going to hook up with M and H as those opportunities arise. i just hope that nothing too complicated comes forth from all of this. i must be careful here. these men make me feel giddy like a young girl again. it's about time i get some attention though. two years ago was dealing with the stress and guilt of maintaining and then breaking things off with D1. last year was just a whirlwhind of emotions all surrounding R. and i'm better than that mess of a disaster. i deserve a break. don't worry. i'm not falling head over heels quite yet. must weigh out all options. and i'm still realistic. only out here until june. then it's off to a new life. 11:53 p.m. - 2009-11-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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