silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nightmare I just woke up from a dream about T. We bumped into each other outside of some store. I forget who I was with, maybe my sister. I saw him and recognized him but I chickened away from saying anything to him. And he was with his ex-wife, I guess they were just good friends now. I tried to be unnoticeable but for some reason our groups started talking a bit, and I'd try to turn to the side so he'd see less of my face. But at some point I turned enough and he was staring at me and he looked like he was trying to figure it out, and so I half smiled and nodded to acknowledge that it was me. We started to leave and after some hesitation, he called out my name, and I stopped and sighed. I turned back to him and he reached out to hug me. And so I lost my guard. We wandered around together, hung out. We didn't discuss the past and the nature of our separation from one another, we just accepted where we were now. He was ecstatic to see me and he kept trying to get close to me. And when he kissed me, it felt like it did before, where something lights up inside of me. It was just a random sequence of events, we rode around places, he mentioned things that he knew about me like that I had went to fiji, confessing that he looked me up online and saw pics (although my name is really common irl so it would take some work to find me unless we had mutual friends, which I doubt...plus my pics are blocked for non-friends. Things I didn't think about during the dream). But anyways. Yea. He looked different, as the dream went on I couldn't figure out why it was so easy for me to recognize him. Oh he also had Invisalign. I laughed when I saw them and told him that I was a provider. Sigh. We got along very well and I felt like it something was putting us back together. And then I started waking up, and once I started to feel that fade to wake, I got sad. Really sad; I didn't want to wake away from that. I wish I never had the dream if this is the way I have to feel upon waking. I immediately felt affection towards him and yearning and desire to spend time with him. It makes me want to find him, I know he still lives in the city, but I will never go out of my way to find him. It is up to the universe, that's what it is. If we are ever meant to cross paths again, I hope it would be cordial, with him holding no animosity towards me. But who knows. It has already been this long, I'm sure it will never happen again. I'll just get tortured in my dreams. I'm supposed to get up soon, meeting up for lunch and pool time. I do not have a tiny bikini body. I am thick. Yet I still always rock the bikinis. My skinnier cousins want my body, it's so funny how people want to trade off, like we are always a little unsatisfied. I'm mostly content with myself, I better be. It's just these damn thighs are so thick, I am dreading when i lose this beautiful Vegas heat and have to find jeans that will pull past the thickness of the thighs, then can master the battle of the backside. That's usually where the jean contest dies and I start looking for skirts. Aside from the above, now that I have passed my depression from the encounter in the dream, I shall mention that at the reunion, I talked to a guy I probably had never spoken to in school. He was outside my major and somewhat quiet, although I was super quiet too...except nobody believes me when I say that. I guess I'm only quiet to myself? Idk. Anyways I talked to this guy and he told me that he's been a cop all this time, and that he's about to join to swat, and I thought that was awesome. I don't know if it's just me but it sounds pretty cool. I mean, although I inherently have an issue with cops, I can't hate on them much more because two of my cousins are cops. And my best friend has cousins who are cops. As long as they don't fuck with me and come down on me for something, we can be cool. I know I'm drunk all the time, but I've been so good lately with staying over at peoples places instead of driving back. I'm getting better. Crap I have to go soon, I should make my point. So I chatted with the dude a bit, but then got taken away to other groups, so we didn't talk any more really. Well, me being me, I grabbed his email address off of the list that had all the classmates, and I emailed him yesterday, saying hi and that it was nice talking and I know we weren't friends back then and only chatted briefly, but I'm happy for him for accomplishing what he wanted and that I think it's impressive and blah blah keep in touch if you want, we can basically start a friendship. I forgot about the email after a while, and then I got a long response and he was very nice and said similar things to me, and said he'd like to have a friend outside of cop people and that he could use a new dentist too. Yay :) I like reaching out to people. I just hope he isn't too quiet if we ever do hang out. I'm pretty crazy so I hope personalities don't clash. He said that they are limited on who they can be associated with (obviously not like drug dealers etc), and it makes me curious if he ran a background check on me or something before emailing me to make sure I was safe. He said he knows I'm a good person, and I hate to have to correct him on that, but I am not good. I'm nice, I'm well-behaved, in general. But good...that might be a stretch. Just because I'm a dentist now, it doesn't mean we can erase all the stupid shit I've done in the past, nor prevent the stupid shit I will do in the future. Okay crap it's almost 9 I have to leave by 9:30. Shower time toodles :) 7:43 a.m. - 2010-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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