silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- more i want to go see a movie. but honestly, i just want some popcorn. there's microwave popcorn here, but it just isn't the same. i also want new bras. i need a bigger size. that's not really a complaint, it's just having to spend the money. i want to go to victoria's secret and put it on my card, i just don't know if i'll be able to pay it off when the bill comes. sigh. guess i'll have to wait. there's a beer commercial on. it makes me sad because i want some. beer makes me happy. or wine. or vodka. i'm not too picky. i sound very needy right now, don't i? i want a new tattoo. i think that also costs money... but i have a burn mark that i got a few months before school ended, and i'd like to cover that bad boy up. it's not sexy. today i stupidly thought about T. it's weird to know that somebody like him has remained on my damn mind all these years. i still hope every now and then that i will accidentally bump into him somewhere... don't know where that would happen. i still stupidly feel like he was my "one", and that one day we will cross paths and find each other and my heart can be complete. or maybe that's just bs. it most likely is. i just need to be distracted with someone else one of these days. and i'm getting more and more irritated with my overall situation. i don't care about not having a guy, i could care less about that. relationships have never been a priority of mine, but i was hoping that it would kick in one of these days. i am desperate for a good job so i can move out of this damn house, i hate it here. all i want is paychecks for a month or two and i'll be happy. i'll be quick to pack my bags and peace out. i don't really care where, just a decent apartment. affording it once i get a job shouldn't be a problem. this is truly just the most annoying thing for me, this waiting, this being here... it makes my blood boil. i honestly detest where i am in life right now. M is so needy. the all day texts are annoying, but i don't have the heart to tell him to cool down. i'll tell him soon enough, gotta figure out how. we haven't seen each other in months, and i really hoped his cravings would fade away but no such luck. his girl is right with him, and he's sitting on his phone texting me. is that a good picture? i don't think i mentioned that one of the drs from the school, the younger of the two but still at least 20 yrs older than me, messaged me on fb a few days ago, saying blah blah blah and asked me for my phone number so he can talk to me on the phone, and said he wouldn't "abuse the privilege". he has absolutely no reason to talk to me. none whatsoever. he's being a weird creepy man. i was polite and all to him at school because i had to be, he was my instructor. but now that i'm not a student there... it's just a bit more off. and i'm in semi denial about his interest in me, but M's like wtf you know damn well he's a creeper. blah, i haven't replied to his fb message yet. i'm hungry. last night after i brushed my teeth, i felt hungry again, and felt conflicted about eating and then having to brush again. but me being piggy, i ate anyways and i was happy. it was after midnight. whoever made that rule of not eating after 7 pm or whenever it is is crazy. i figure, eat whenever... but maybe that's why i'm so piggy. hm. well, off to search for food then i guess. 10:09 p.m. - 2010-10-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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