silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nadie i think about my life and my career (whenever that really gets started), and i feel like i'm lacking the part that i want, in which i can make a difference in people's lives... maybe it's because i'm not starting my own practice yet... i think i want to start a program out here for nonprofit dentistry for kids in some struggling or disadvantaged group. i know that there are some programs, but they seem somewhat limited.. or maybe i just have to get involved with something already established. i want to do something that makes people happy with me, that makes me appreciated somehow. not that i need praise, but i want to do something meaningful. i remember when i used to volunteer at an elementary school when i was in high school, and i'd help out some first and second graders with whatever it was, reading to them, helping with schoolwork, whatever elementary school entailed. kids are so appreciative and fun. just like when we were in fiji, doing the volunteer work during spring break, the whole damn community was appreciative of us coming out there and working on them. and that had all of us feeling really good to have made a difference. but now, here i am, sitting around, making no impact and not sure how to approach changing that. i'll figure it out. i guess i don't feel special to anyone and i just need to feel important somehow. i made some pretty pimp stuffed mushrooms. i felt pretty important to myself at the time. that has to count for something? and i still need to cut off this M thing. gotta find the right words to throw his way. it's strange, i can be so honest with him about everything, but it's hard to tell him i want to cut this off and just be normal homies. i feel like i might see him soon, and if that happens, i don't want anything to take place between us. he has no reservations about this and would basically continue endlessly, but that's just stupid. he has to be respectful of what he has and stop leaning towards me. i also made some pimped out mashed potatoes. gonna heat some of those bad boys up right now. and then i'll sleep. i am terrible at this, i know. my poor body. 12:47 a.m. - 2010-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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