silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Morning I alternate between moments of strength and those of weakness. In regards to my work situation primarily. Strength in taking the steps towards practice ownership. Weakness in looking for just another job to possibly fill my days better. I say it will also help me learn. Definitely need/want to learn more. Unfortunately, just reading the books doesn't cut it. I need to have more hands-on direct training. Guidance would be nice. But fuck it. I've come across people who just don't have the time or the desire to help train and guide. It's all on me, and that's where the pressures and the collapse to weakness come forth. Enough of that though. I must stick to my plan. Aside from that, things with DW are good so far. Still drives me insane and I regularly second-guess why I allow him into my life, and I have to reassure myself that although he has some major personality-clashing flaws (yep, I will call them flaws. Some would say it is "character", but nope, I say it is straight up flaw), I enjoy him and his company. He is so judgmental and biased and opinionated, it angers me sometimes that I even associate with his ignorant ass, but I think it is partially due to his own insecurities; he needs to put others down to raise himself up, he needs to talk shit and declare to others that he is right, and always right, because he is too proud to be wrong. Yet I am hanging around. I am allowing him to remain in my life. I guess if it gets to a point where I can't handle it, I'll cut it off. I have no problem doing that. He already knows that his biases and stereotype generalizations of people irritates and upsets me, so if he's confused he can look back to that and figure out why he pisses me off. Sounds like I'm already rationalizing dropping him... I'll stop with the negatives. It has been good otherwise, we hang out on the weekends and see movies, go out to eat, stay in, blah blah blah. Getting used to each other. I think he is falling for me too quickly though. He is mentioning how he is excited about where this could be headed with me, and that I give him hope for the future blah blah. You know, stuff that makes me shudder. I believe that he is looking for that final relationship that transitions into forever. He is marriage bound, I am mommy bound. I just want to have a kid by 32. Hey, we all have our goals. I want my own practice, and I want to get the baby-making going before I am mid-30s. Running low on time here. Would've been nice to have some in mid-late 20s, but I guess I was being too responsible. He also mentions nonsense about me moving in, which yes, is nonsense. I have already declared my stance on that, since I lived with an ex before for a couple years, I don't want to live with anyone else unless I am well into an engagement or married. Not that that guy completely ruined it for me, but it was harder for me to even cut off the relationship because we lived together and although I was working full time at the time, my job was second in priority to the massive amount of studying, testing, traveling I was doing prior to getting into dental school. So I was distracted with that while he was distracted with video games, all day. All day. When he lost a couple jobs is when it escalated and he became super bum. And then I felt like he didn't want to spend outside time with me since we lived together, and so it just wasn't as special anymore, we didn't do dates or go out, although I tried. We would go out with his friends, he was rude to mine, and I didn't care for the sex anymore. So yeah. I know every situation is different, but I also prefer my independence and my space. And I really enjoy having my bed all to myself. Anyways. I suppose I should get ready for work. The highlight of my day... Right. I enjoy the part where I am getting in the car as quickly as possible to peace out. Ok yeah just felt like sharing something. Have a good day dland! 6:54 a.m. - 2012-07-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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