silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Carry on I have barely spoken to DW. Our communication has been minimal. We talk, well text, but it isn't like before. I am not going to reach any more than I have. I don't know right now. I put zero effort into attempting to hang out this weekend, as did he. His inaction is actually very hurtful. He probably doesn't see it the way that I do. I don't know if I want to deal with this anymore. I don't feel like I want to care anymore. I know that this relationship is salvageable, but it needs attention. He is too proud. He has something to prove. He needs to be "the man". He needs some kind of validation. I am over it. I am happy that I am putting my focus back on getting the startup going. He and I are great together, but he's such a weak individual in the way that he handles personal situations. I see it in his relationships with his mom, with his dad, with his brother. He retreats to his friends, who are actually worse off than he is. They are all several years to decades older than him, with failures of interpersonal relationships and other weaknesses. Although I am not successful, I have a career that is set to lead me to a comfortable life. Not quite yet, but one day. I've heard countless examples of strained relationships due to the woman making more than the man. Yes, right now I struggle. But I am actually pretty happy regardless. I have no doubt that one day things will be great. I have no delusion about my role in any relationship. He vocalized an issue with needing to feel like the "dominant personality" or some bs like that after he blew up. He has some deep seeded issues. He needs someone who needs him to take care of her. It unnerves him that I don't need that. So what leverage does that give him? I pay for my own car, housing, life. I can handle myself. I have way more bills than he could fathom, and I have it all more or less under control. I don't need him to do anything for me. Honestly, I don't even want to think about this any more. He is responsive in his texts, it appears that he is normal and kind and shit, but I know what I feel, and it doesn't feel the same. Maybe it is just me and the fact that I don't trust him anymore. I am expecting that things get a little difficult between us and he can't handle the fact that I am strong, confident, and will talk back. I could just be making a big deal out of this. Maybe everything is just fine and dandy. Fine. Well, I will leave it alone for now. I shall continue along my path, go on about my week. I'll do what I have to at work, start looking again for office locations. I need to put my focus back on me. I will thrive with or without him. And as an aside, I saw Les Miserables yesterday, and wow. I cried at the end. I went by myself, went to the matinee with a water bottle of red wine. At first the musical aspect was annoying, but soon into it, I didn't care. I swear there were several times I cried. It is a movie that I will buy when it comes out on DVD. Well...not right away. Too expensive. I'll wait till it's on sale for like $9.99 or something. But I do think I may watch it again next weekend. 9:13 p.m. - 2013-01-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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