silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Perchance to dream As I held tonight's handful of sleeping pills to coax me into slumber, I thought, "geez, you really do take too much.." Nothing overboard, but what started with one or two has transitioned to three or four. I don't even know if I need it all. Actually...it really helps. If I don't take anything, or if I take too few, I will guaranteed wake up around 3 a.m. I am just not in the mood for that. It's 11 now, I would like to sleep until 8:00 if possible. That would be absolutely delightful. When I took melatonin as an adjunct several months ago, it sadly did little to nothing, and actually woke me up feeling sick and I started vomiting, and continued vomiting as I pulled in to work, at the side of my car. Sexy. No one was around. I feared pregnancy since it seemingly came from nowhere, but upon investigation of my intake, attributed it to the meds. It was a low dose, but it still hit me. No, I do not have a point. Well..maybe. Just that I have to wane off of the sleeping pills. It's OTC, diphenhydramine, no biggie. I won't get a rx (nor will I give myself one). I am certainly jealous of people who sleep easily, who drop down and stay down. I envy them. DW passes out the second he looks at a bed. Asshole. But I won't take more than four. That's my cutoff, I think that's what some of the packaging says too. If I feel I have to take more, well, I don't know. I'll have to find a way to exhaust myself. Although with all this office crap I am doing, I should be easily exhausted. Instead, my mind is constantly racing. I tell myself to stop looking online, stop looking for products, stop price comparisons, stop working on the floor plan, stop emailing people, stop working on forms, stop, stop, STOP! But I don't. I keep going, I am a machine. I cannot stop. I got the lease today, and had to call a lawyer to review it and work with me. There are so many people I have to talk to. The lease is 22 pages long, hah! I printed it out so I could read through it as I took a bath, and I had to yell at myself to just stop and just take the damn bath without the lease. I drew the bath to clear my mind. It was after 5 pm, I figured I wasn't going to have to talk to anyone or anticipate any more emails. The tub was filling up as the lease was printing, and my phone rang, it was the lawyer. We conversed for maybe ten minutes, and then I lost my clear mind mode and turned back into work zombie. But then I said no, poured a glass of wine, turned on some music, and took a damn bath. Ahhhhh... I just needed to embrace the water. Or let the water embrace me. I told myself I would tell the parents about the practice once I signed the lease and knew the space was for sure mine. Well... I still have time, lawyer has to review it. Lease is set to begin April 1st. Okay... Okay. I guess...I'll tell them...umm...can't they wait for opening day?? Surprise?!? I kinda want to take them by the office as it is under construction and just nonchalantly stroll through the area, and say oh hey look at that! And then they see my name and they say "yay yay how awesome!" That won't work though. I would like to tell them on an occasion when they will both be together. Since they are not together (never married etc don't want to be), they usually gather on birthdays or holidays, and they do call eachother. Maybe I will plan a lunch or dinner. Both of their birthdays are coming up... Okay enough of my thought process. No more decision making. I am in bed for a reason. Good night dland. Sleep well 10:56 p.m. - 2013-03-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||