silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holding on to stars I told my mom about the project today. I almost told my dad, but he asks so many personal questions and I could already sense it becoming too much, and I didn't want to get into it tonight. They both asked me how's DW, so I got the honor of telling them that it's done. Wish I didn't have to say it twice ( separate houses), I probably should've just texted them when it happened and got it over with then. But at least now I can say it and that's the end. This should be the last time I mention him, I'm sure. Just had to tell the parents. Anyways. I signed back onto the dating sites, pof and this time okcupid also. So exhausting. I don't think I want to do this, but I do want to, so back to the grind. Fielding messages from people who really shouldn't be messaging me in the first place, from people who aren't even living in the area, from people who at least are honest and flat out say they just want sex. I tell them hey thanks for being honest, but I'm not about that. If I wanted that, I would just go to the club, have a few drinks, and act a fool. Easy. Plenty of visiting strangers in Vegas for just that. But nope, not what I want. I have too many thoughts. I don't share them all. I feel that many of them should just stay in my head... or my heart. I just have so many questions. So many things in mind. I only want to focus on the business, the project. I wish that was the only thing occupying my mind. There's so much pain in there, somewhere. Not pain like I am hurt, pain from something else. Something there, but something lacking. It is a reaching pain. I am wishing for something, but I don't entirely know what it is. I have a jar full of quarters. I feel like dumping them into a fountain. The Bellagio has the perfect fountain for my money. Instead, I will shove any and all emotions down and try to figure out my color scheme and the overall esthetic of the office. I think I want to go with a modern, contemporary look. I kinda want some unique, funky chairs for the reception area and glass tables. I looked at the ikea website and saw some interesting chairs, but alas, we have not an ikea in Las Vegas. So I'm actually considering making the drive out to Cali in two weekends to check it out. And, of course, just to escape. I sadly work this Saturday and have family plans as well over the weekend, so my adventure will have to be postponed. I do want to pull together an idea though, a fairly general one, in the coming week. Clearing my mind. Trying to make sound decisions. But you know what? Fuck it. I am tired of doing the right thing and making good choices. I want to do something stupid this weekend. Not sure what. Maybe I'll just take $200 and gamble it away. With hopes to win $10,000,000 and clear away my student loans and the practice loan, and then some. A lotta some. Ugh. Serenity. Peace. So many quarters. 8:40 p.m. - 2013-03-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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