silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reflection This is becoming stressful. I am having trouble sleeping again; waking up after two or three hours with my mind racing. I took a sleeping pill at 2:30 since I didn't have anything pressing this morning to wake up for until 10:00 am, which really didn't matter, as I evidently woke up at 7 anyways. Conference call for web design is at 10, I have to call this guy over the signs, look for lighting and fixtures for the office, choose the paint colors soon, ummmm one more thing I think was on my list... Crap who knows. It's so much to do, and I just lack the energy and drive right now. I am stressed about so many things, it crosses into so many fields. Yes, I am still happy with everything, but the load and pressure is beginning to take its toll on me. And I am going to San Francisco this weekend for a convention, and I need to compile a list of what I need to accomplish while there, what products to order, what connections to make. A lot of the companies put things on discounts for show specials, with even 5% being significant in the long run, especially considering how huge this initial purchase of mine is going to be in the first place. I am teetering around $100,000 for the supplies and equipment, taking any avenue to drop that number that I can. Actually it is like $95,000 maybe, but still. I want that to be around $80,000 and I will be happier. Just need to cut a lot of costs and inventory down, even though I feel I have dropped it to quite minimal. On a completely unrelated note, I feel like I need to confess my interest to CW and see what happens there. I always just accept friendship with the guys I am interested in, but fuck, I deserve a chance with someone I like too. Honestly, maybe 90% of the guys I have involved myself with had been initiated by their interest in me, with me just going along with it. Maybe because I felt special or liked or whatever. But I rarely take that step to admit my own interest to an individual, thus I just sit around in semi defeat. Actually, I can think of two guys out of psshh who knows how many, who I was interested in and pursued. Otherwise I just accepted their interest and went along for the ride. Yeah...I need to confess to him if anything for myself. Prove to myself that I don't fear the rejection or something. Yeah..this hasn't been fair to me over the years. But these guys have benefitted. Props to them. Ok must make coffee and figure out what the heck is going on with my life today. Have an awesome day dland! 7:25 a.m. - 2013-08-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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