silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meh I don't know what I've been feeling lately. Where my head has been. What I have been thinking. Where my heart has been. I need this holiday break. I know I am not the hardest of workers, but I work pretty hard. If it isn't the hands on stuff, it is all of the background work. The bookkeeping. The scheduling. The insurance shit. The management of my primary employee and the new stress with my friend coming in once a week, constantly texting or calling me with questions when I am actually across town at another office trying to make some money to pay my personal bills. The men. MG. I haven't much to say about him. The professional stuff is moving forward I suppose. He allowed our relationship to affect the business stuff. Well, we both allowed it to. Well I don't know or really care about it right now, or about him. I care, but I don't care to care. I don't want him to mean anything to me, so I keep it light and leave it alone. It is never addressed. He comes by the office for the basic things he is supposed to come by for, and I leave it alone, although inside I wish for more. But I will never say it. I am expected to be tough, always. Fuck being tough though. I want to let my feelings be what they are. But I won't. Who else? CA? He actually was talking to me like a real person about a week ago. I appreciated that. I won't read into it. JA asked me what I'm doing next week. Basically wants to hook up. I consider it, because I am weak and indifferent. Sometimes I want to just turn off my phone for a week. How peaceful would that be? I couldn't pull that. If anything, professionally that wouldn't fly. I get calls and texts from reps, colleagues, referring partners, patients, my assistant, people who want to work for me or shadow me at work. Appointment requests. Anything. It is incessant. Social media for work. Emails. Any and everything. It's okay. I don't need the peace. Everything is perfectly fine. I can handle it. And if I can't...well, fuck that. I can. I had a situation with this guy who is apparently now a former friend of mine. Basically he couldn't take a fuckin joke and overreacted on something I said, which was purely sarcastic. Almost everything I say is heavily weighted in the sarcastic realm. If I say I am soooo upset and crying in the fucking closet, I'm not actually upset nor am I crying in the damn closet. And I would never admit it to this individual if I actually was crying, because he wasn't that close of a friend that I could talk to like that. Anyways, contextually it's too much to get into, but he reacted way too insanely and lashed out at me unnecessarily (via text), and I was like whoa, calm the fuck down, it was a damn joke, but cool, fuck off. I was really, extremely pissed at him and I flipped out and thought wow, get off your damn arrogant ass and high horse, pull the stick out of your ass, and fuck off. I did not say that to him, because I'm a classy woman. But I told it to my other friend RO, who interacts with him a lot more than I do, and he knows I am pissed and writing this dude's ass off. I've known him since high school. I treat all my friends with respect, regardless of how close we are. RO said that the dude is probably stressed, but I said fuck that, my ass is insanely stressed with shit too, but you don't see me being a massive bitch to the people who support me and who are there for me. I take it with stride and calm the fuck down and I don't take it out on anybody else. So yea. I was livid. I don't plan on wasting my mental capacity with thoughts of his ignorance, and I will happily ignore him at any and all of our social gatherings henceforth. Because I am a spiteful lady who has no qualms against holding a grudge and being a bitch to you when you cross me. There is no loss on my end for not having him in my life. He can really just fuck off and fade away, and my life will be perfectly divine. But, he's part of the crew, so I will be in his presence, but I will gladly throw my lovely attitude in his direction. And any faux apology from him could go right up his ass. Sorry. He pissed me off, clearly. I am usually much more mellow. My bad. He showed his true colors as a jerk, and it takes a long time for me to forgive people who wrong me. On a happier, more pleasant note...no.. That's about it. Umm we have a lot of patients tomorrow? Yay? But we are closed so much for the holidays that it washes out. I am looking forward to the break. Maybe one more glass of wine before bed. Sweet dreams! I'm fine, fuck that guy. I was just shocked by his attitude. But like I said, I am looking forward to being the best bitch I can towards him. Because I am fabulous at that. CA fucked up earlier this year and crossed me, and I did a fantastic job ignoring him. Then he caved in and reached out to me. It was his fault, for being mistaken on his view of me. This other guy, I don't care if he reaches out. I have zero desire to be friends with him again. The things he said struck the wrong chord, and he means less than shit to me. Such a negative entry, geez. I'll be more upbeat next time. Christmas, a time for love and family and happiness and holiday cheer! Why not? Alright. I will be happy and enthusiastic tomorrow. Sweet. Good night :) 10:32 p.m. - 2014-12-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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