silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friends You know, JA might be a lying, deceitful douche, but he is actually a fairly decent friend to me. We may not be (nor ever will be) anything significant to one another, but he actually is kind to me and supportive of my efforts in life. He lets me know that he is proud of me and that I am doing a good job with all the craziness that goes on with my office, and just hearing something as simple as the appreciation of someone, it can really perk one's mood. I feel down on myself about things, overworked, under appreciated, stressed. But I feel better when someone impartial tells me that I am doing something awesome, and that it is a job well done, or anything of the sort. And this is said with zero intention, he simply was checking on me and asking a few questions. Doesn't say that he wants to hook up, nothing. That's why I think, it is good to have him as a friend. It is good to have someone who enjoys being with me, but also enjoys knowing me...if that makes sense. Maybe I give him too much credit, but he actually talks to me as if he enjoys talking to me, and that makes me feel good. CA certainly doesn't text me just to check in on me and tell me that he's proud of me and what I am doing for the community through my office. I don't feel used when I am with JA, at least not completely...I know that I am, but also we can communicate. I can be around him and feel like he cares about my existence sometimes, which I can't say about CA. Which, by the way, and yet again, I will step back from CA. Because I have to, because it is not healthy. He does not care about me, and if he did, he would put forth some effort. It would be nice to be somebody's priority though. There has to be somebody out there who can love me, right? Maybe not...but that is ok. I am my own priority. As long as I love myself, there is a sliver of hope? Pathetic. I have more to say. Too much to say, or not enough. But I opt to sleep now, because I have too much to do in the morning, and I should be well rested for what is expected to be an extremely busy and stressful weekend. 9:52 p.m. - 2015-11-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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