silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The animal of your choosing I watched The Lobster today in the theater. It was an odd film, yet touching. I laughed. I empathized. I understood. I just may purchase the film when it comes out on dvd. I was confused, I was enthralled. I shrouded my eyes at the end, only to utter one solitary word at the dark screen of conclusion: "wow." If anyone gets this movie and adores it, that individual is me. Also weird as fuck. I like weird as fuck movies. I went by myself, as per usual. Standard for me. There were a handful of older couples in the theater with me. Older by at least three decades. This was the only theater in the city still showing the film. Apparently it had run its course prior to today. I had the whole back row all to myself. I laughed when nobody else did. I have been told that I laugh at the wrong moments. I could work on my emotional outbursts. I secretly hoped that it was a movie that would lead me to cry. I love those movies. They are rare. I want to cry sometimes. I wish to force something out of me. I tried to cry last night. I was very sad. I was upset about work, something has just been stressing me out, and I did not feel well. I felt like it would happen, things were all lined up for me to sob the night away. Did I cry? No. I forced out a pathetic tear or two. But the release never came. I buried it under three glasses of wine and a sleeping pill. So I had hoped that I would cry today. This movie will be sad, there is no way it could have a happy ending. Something is bound to go wrong. Well, it was a movie laced with apathy. Flat intonation. Indifference. I felt at home, so I felt nothing. Just... Wow. I cried in the theater once. Not a month ago, when I watched Me Before You, when the whole theater burst into a symphony of sobs and sniffles as I sat there gazing at my red faced, whimpering friend. No, not then. But I teared up when I watched...wait for it... Les miserables. Bought that movie once it was released, and cried again. I tear up when Anne Hathaway sings her song. I feel the pain and angst. I suppose today's film was not one intended to evoke tears. I just had a feeling that it would affect me, once I had learned of its content. It's ok though. I had something else on my mind, but I have lost it. Nope, there it is. I received a wedding invitation from one of my close buddies in d school. I had already saved the date, I knew it was coming. September. The invitation, "we have reserved two seats in your honor". What is the point? I never have anyone. I have nobody to tag along with me. I am always doing everything alone. It gets old. I wish I had a plus one, I really do. I wish I had a guy to bring with me to my good friend's wedding. Instead, I will show up alone, as always, and leave alone, as always. It's on a Sunday. CA is off on Sundays. Could I ask him to accompany me? Road trip to California? He wouldn't come, because... he wouldn't. So I shall attend this one alone. I never jump for the bouquet. What's the point? I don't want to catch it. I don't have any hope. Not to be depressing, just being realistic. What is the point. This sleeping pill should kick in soon. Here's hoping, because I'm tired of being awake today. 10:48 p.m. - 2016-07-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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