silver4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Time I'm done with AN. Well...I know that. I don't know if he knows that. Time will tell. Perhaps we will chat again soon. For the meantime, I haven't made any efforts to speak to him, and he kindly hasn't made any efforts to communicate with me either lately. It hasn't been too long, possibly just past one week. I just... don't care. It is a fairly pointless relationship, but in essence, it is just sex. I should keep him on retainer though, just in case. One never knows where life is going to lead. That being said, I have made the decision to speak up. To CA. It is about time, right? Enough time has passed between us, enough of an experience? My mind and my heart are beginning to get a bit scrambled and fucked up, so to speak. I am becoming a bit more emotional due to the frustration of our relationship. I enjoy being with him. I am just not with him. That is the problem. I think and feel as if I am an idiot for letting it go on so long. But at the same time, what has happened in the interim? I had a full (albeit unnecessary) relationship with MG. I had whatever the hell I had with JA. I had other little bs situations along the way. I've had "exes" resurface, and one night stands pop along. I had a guy come from SF just to hook up with me. I had the recent experience of AN. I started a practice (which is doing fuckin awesome), I bought a house (which still has boxes in rooms one year later), I've paid off my car. I've gained some weight...but let's not talk about that... I've gotten some shit started and other shit finished up. All in the span of time in which I have been involved with CA. I have done everything but develop the damn balls to speak my damn mind and say HEY! I'M RIGHT FUCKIN HERE! I am just tired. Tired of so many things. Tired of not being together. Tired of not speaking up. It is time to speak my mind, because I am also tired of crying. I guess this is it. All or nothing? Wish me luck. What's the worst that could happen? Don't answer that. I already know, and I fear that the worst is what lies on the horizon. Such is life. It's okay. If he says no, then I can just dust off the retirement of my fling with AN and put him back into rotation. There's nothing better than empty, mindless, unfulfilling sex, as long as the guy is kind enough to bring me food, right? Emotions are getting the best of me. I shall remain silent now. For the time being. Until I have said my piece. Ándale pues. 10:06 p.m. - 2017-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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